making waves

Stopped making waves

2009-10-31T00:43:00.003+08:00

It's been a nice 10 years of blogging. It's about time for me to really re-think my priorities in life and also to hold back any thoughts of penning down my thoughts. Blogging has been part of my life but I guess this life needs some adjustments. The cyber world is a good place to write down my thoughts, my feelings, my experience and keeping my friends updated on my happenings, in case they ever wonder if I'm still alive. And many a times, I've seen how things can go out of hand just by mere words typed out on the screen.

So I've decided. This is it...

If there's a problem, solve it. If it can't be solved, talk it out. If it can't be talked, then perhaps there isn't a problem at all or you are choosing to ignore it...

Today marks the day. It's 4 years of nice memories this blog holds and 6 years' worth from my first blog. I remembered I started off by touching on current affairs and how I hoped the democrats will win the presidency back in 1999. Slowly, the entries morphed into my personal diary where I'll write out something closer to the heart and reflections about life. I even set new year resolutions for myself year by year and towards the end of December each year, I'll look back and see how many targets I've achieved.

Not to forget, entries in my first blog were to remember particular events and people - like how I blogged about my sec sch classmates when I graduated from RV. I practically had to force myself to recall something unique and particular about them so that I can remind myself of their good points (or weirdness) in the later years. It's because friends form part and parcel of my life and it's not fair no will it be accurate just to write down a point or two about them.

The true spirit of giving isn't a transaction - there's no expectations nor getting anything in return.

And of course, there were entries on family. I didn't know how I survived my teengage years when family crises combined with crazy stuff happening in secondary school almost destroyed me. Nevertheless, my blog definitely played a part to tide me over. When I was older, I took things with a more matured perspective and even when I look back on some particular entries about family, my mind will be flooded by memories and then my tear ducts will be activated. And yes, this isn't manly at all.

Now for my 2nd blog, it was started cos I needed to survive NS - or maybe known as the National-process-for-making-people Stupid. Too much time on hand, too little brain action can really make one dull. I too needed an avenue to work on my language which certainly got out of hand with the kind of dialect mixed with plenty of colourful vulgarities from all over.

If I recall correctly, entries in both blogs tat were happy or joyous, were usually shorter than the ones that are filled with emotions, disappointments, frustrations etc. I've had my fair share of blog surfing and to be honest, it just didn't feel right when my emotions swayed along reading other people's blogs and especially when they are the ones whom I feel something for.

Love is an unconditional gift. Before you can give it out, you need to know how to receive with an open mind and open heart.

Many months ago when I got sucked into the vortex of negativism when I hung out too much and saw too many emo posts of my current buddy Yijun. I call her gaode/sweeeeety palms and even my phone, her name's 'gaode yijun'. Yes yes, I did start to like her a little more than a year ago but thankfully what I felt for her died off very much prematurely thanks to her super-emoness & negativism for a few months and may be, cos I fell sick when I went running in the rain with her. Now, she has her bernie for support and I think they are going to be just fine =)

Even talking to Rach the other time online, I realised that I set double standards too. I was angry when things got out of hand and more people getting implicated. On my side, wasn't I doing the same thing? Hah!.

Bel mentioned that what I did for MF was nice and genuine and whatever I do after that paled in comparison. Well, MF is a friend now and that's all it's going to be. So whenever I go out for dinner or supper with her, it's purely friendship. And it's cool that we managed to joke all about this just a few weeks back and managed to bring in a short gathering with Peng Kiat after dinner at Bt Timah Hawker Ctr. I managed to stay away from her for 6 months, breaking all kinds of contact. But when we finally met and chat downstairs, I know I've gotten over her and our friendship was intact!

And so it seems, and maybe it's true - I don't know what I really want with arrows being shot out to anyone that comes close. I have questioned myself: Do I really like her? What do I like about her? When did I start noticing her? It's kind of amazing but also, increasingly frustrating that I know I'm not helping myself here in whatever I've done.

'm also feeling reluctant to act to prove people's perceptions wrong. Because I know I can escape to this blog, hiding my feelings and pouring it out here. It doesn't matter cos she hardly comes visiting this blog and besides, even if she sees this, she may not know it's referring to her and also, she won't do a thing cos there's nothing needed to be done.

Yet it seems like I can't really settle down with what I'm feeling and maybe I'm really comfortable with how my life is...but I know, this simply cannot go on. Right now, I will get on with life and not escape into the cyber world like what I did 10 years back with blogging and relentless lan-gaming. This is sad that there's still some anger, frustrations, hesitation, longingness with the final entry. I need to move on with my life and sometime later in life, I just want to look back, laugh at myself for being the joker I was until 31st October 2009.

I hope to resume proper social life and find my friends more often out in the real world. If you want to know my updates or just to check whether I'm still alive, all you have to do is ask.

Thoughts need to be sorted. Acts need to be gathered. Until that day comes, this blog is no more.

Take care and I hope everyone will be happy too. Cheers

move on

2009-10-29T20:36:00.003+08:00

Now that it's back to the lull period, I'm free-er to do more stuff.

The fact that I'm not spending time working on my already-lacking studying schedule...but rather thinking of things that I ought to have left buried, forgotten and moved on since a few weeks back.

I thought this will be a passing thing yet again but apparently, the signs are there that it's not. And this sucks...

Move on Marvin, move on...

blog

2009-10-29T00:40:00.002+08:00

thats why i said blogging is dangerous. misunderstandings get worsen and doesnt quite solve anything. -_-"

grandma

2009-10-28T02:37:00.002+08:00

With the slowing down in school activities, I finally had the chance to talk to my grandma. And even though we revolved around similar topics over and over again, she's always so interested to share and bitch (yes, she bitches to me too) and find out more about my life. And I'm more than glad to share with her.

Many a times, I'll come home as early as possible just to play with my nephews or when I know my grandma will be cooking something special. I know that she is the only person who's keeping this family together. Even she knows this fact herself.

2 hours of non-stop chatting, there were funny moments and there were some slightly emotional ones too. I'm clearly her favourite grandson and somehow even closer than some of her own kids.

I love my grandma - my best friend of 23 years and for many more years to come.

(side note: I suddenly realised some similarities between my mum and someone I know and this is rather surprising....=X)

over

2009-10-27T15:24:00.003+08:00

I guess I can safely say the worst is finally over...Barely surviving on 2-3 hours of sleep each day and downing caffeine like nobody's business, it was a sooner or later thing my body will shut down on me. It's just like a few days' back when I was sending them back, I felt so tired that I dozed off infront of a red light junction. Apparently, it is not only alcohol that'll make me feel that way...

It's amazing to see how people perform under pressure. Some crack as it is the real test of mental endurance and emotional capacity. But it's also a good time to look see the real character of a person. Knowing that you'll probably survive when the going gets tough, the worst you can possibly do is breathe down people's necks, make things difficult for them, and pick on them. I'm a person who works around problem and work on them cos I don't think it'll resolve anything by creating even more problems. Even though I may be stepping out of my student shell, I won't lose the principle of offering basic benevolence - I don't like a person, I keep it professional, I even feel sorry for him/her. That's my principle of humanity.

I'm glad I can be part of an awesome group who is willing to go the extra mile to do extra stuff to spoil market. I'm typing this entry whilst in bm211 and it's nice to hear how my friends kbing my group for spoiling mkt during today's svc mkting presentation. It's not perfect but it's good enough to make the those who're going to present next week sweat! Muahaha...

It's time to recharge the deprived supply for sleep + squash + some personal time + application of jobs. And yes, I'm in a hyper mood once again even though my shag face don't quite show it..haha! =)

a series of negativities

2009-10-24T12:24:00.002+08:00

My world is spiralling into a wave of emotional negativism.

Facing with really really awful deadlines where cock ups still occur at submission time. I'm so consumed with the projects and the cockup that happened last Wednesday simply just piled up on the it.

The inadequacy of sleep for consecutive days. Missing out on meaningful social interaction and hiding into my shell. And not being able to engage in proper stress-leasing activities like soccer and squash.

Good thing is I know many friends out there who are facing the same or worse shit than me. No, I'm not saying I'm happy that they're worse off. (hmmz, maybe i am...haha...kidding) The idea of 'shared misery' somehow lightens things up. I know they've got my back and I just them to know that I've got theirs too. And yes, I don't say it often but thank goodness I've got buddies like Jinhui as my project grpmate since year 2. We are brothers-in-agony! Song bo!

In the darkest hours when you think the world is perhaps better off if you just suddenly collapse and die and to make it worse, no one cares...that's when Life comes in to give us a tiny push, just enough to spur us on. I was surprisingly delighted with the some random events like having carpark lots and getting free car wash from the rain. I know my guardian angels up there are looking out for me (and that's why I fear accumulating too much bad karma too. lol~).

Just a few weeks back I contemplated ending this blog after writing for more than 10 years. I told myself "it was time to move on and for goodness sake, find a proper human being to if I want to vent and rant" The blog has been a good way of getting updates of friends, especially those whom you hardly have time to meet. It's friends like xinhe who just popped by over msn to find out after reading, and then offering some words of encouragement. And this can be a tell-tale sign me suffering from potential burnout especially I start blogging frequently or writing long entries like this. It's my little way of escapism and it works pretty fine.

There are no problems too big out there, I'll be here as long as you are willing to share.

Tough times don't last...Everyone, hang in there.

FML

2009-10-22T11:38:00.003+08:00

I'm still too fucking stunned for words. I can't believe this happend under my charge. Still, it did happen and I can only be a man - face the repurcussions. Grad trip funds may be affected. I can only pray it won't be too badly affected zzzzz

FML, like seriously...is this karma or what man. AAARGHHH

Too much anger now I need to let it out.

Teary Wed

2009-10-22T01:26:00.002+08:00

After dropping Bel off, the journey back home was torturous. I had to find ways to stay awake on my way back, a feeling that's awfully similar to my previous experiences of driving after a drink or two.

After shower, I sat infront of my laptop and just cronked out in an instant. Though it was a short 15min power nap, it was a sign my body was at its brink. I had to zi high for the whole day today and this was obviously my body and mind shutting down. The moment I closed my eyes, my eyes teared like mad...

Good thing is I can look forward to proper life after the projects and glad to have a great bunch of friends to tank this crap together. I will need to unwind through squash though.

And I'm looking forward to Friday night already. Awesome...

restless

2009-10-18T02:20:00.003+08:00

As usual, when I'm facing deadlines, I'll do anything in the world except sitting down proper to complete the work. This is sick...

Take yesterday for instance. After a whole day of meeting, went home to play with Nath and Aldrik before getting out to play squash with John & Javin. Eugene joined us for supper @ Bt Timah. By the time I got home, I decided to go for a last min run. Note to self: alright, stamina for 2.4 is back!

Today, it's reading my Lufthansa case halfway before KO-ing a few times. I can't believe I completed How I Met Your Mother Season 4 in 3 days and I'm off watching Chuck. The day ended with frog leg porridge with Xinhe and Wanling @ Bt Timah (yes, again!). I love talking to them about anything in the world and looks like XH is pro about fortune-telling lobangs..woots..

Where's my determination and discipline....urgh...

Well, at least I don't mind some squash / running / supper. I'm quite enjoying it anyway! haha

Love food

2009-10-17T16:29:00.004+08:00

I love food, especially those that are made with love. I just had the best tasting chicken soup since a long long time cos my ah ma thought I deserve something for the late nights chionging school work. This is something that's irreplaceable and not surprisingly, it is the reason why I choose to move back home after just a semester of hall life. And yes, I'm also the living evidence of what kind of damage "good food with love" can do to anybody.

PS: That does not give my ah ma an excuse to cook really lousy food. Haha

headache

2009-10-15T23:42:00.002+08:00

2 panadols can ease the headache. It eases the symptoms but doesn't cure the problem.
Then again, many a times people look for quick relief rather than go down to find out the what lies deeper within.

Cos there are too much uncertainty and too much at stake. And we refuse to face up to them. The easy way out

6 months

2009-10-13T20:22:00.003+08:00

It's been 6 months since we last met.

It was nice catching up with her once again, this time at the foot of our block where we unknowingly just chat for more than an hour. It came as a surprise when she called out to me cos she spotted me parking my car.

Things have changed. Nevertheless, I'm happy for her. I truly am. =)

How I Met Your Mother

2009-10-11T21:22:00.003+08:00

"How I Met Your Mother" is like, the new F.R.I.E.N.D.S...I love it. It's funny, witty and the chemistry between the actors were great! The story, the lessons, the sort of revelation and enlightenment you sort of get at the end of certain episods are simply awesome. Best part is, some of those are like describing certain chapters in my life.

One lesson goes like this...

"You may think your only choice is to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face.

There's a 3rd option: You can just let it go. And only when you do that it's really gone. Then, you can move forward..."

Soccer today wasn't too bad. Started off poorly cos I had to wear my previous pair of soccer boots which practically had no friction on the soles. I was like, sliding around in the court and slipped a couple times without the ball near me. I was increasingly frustrated with the kind of performance on the court. At the very first chance, I convinced john detty and jav to play squash. We drove back in my car to get my racket and New Balance shoes. Guess what, the court below my house was empty!

Called the rest to come over. Oh, the other court we played in the morning was just across the street and yes, I drove there cos I needed to go to the bank and I was afraid of losing $ on my way back home. HAHA..

And after just 15 min, I threw the boots away and went up to grab New Balance. The feeling and grip on the ground was amazing! I even told myself that alright, my soccer day has just started! Besides scoring goals, it's the passes I made too! We were crazy to play till 1+ and by the end of which, I was and in fact, still am pretty red n hot -_-''

If things do go well, my performance on the court should improve further. I have to vent something somewhere and soccer was obviously the best option! Recharged =)

Saturday night life

2009-10-10T23:46:00.003+08:00

It's a saturday night and I should go out to enjoy myself.
It's a saturday night and I should go out to enjoy myself.
It's a saturday night and I should go out to enjoy myself.
It's a saturday night and I should go out to enjoy myself.
It's a saturday night and I should go out to enjoy myself.

And yes! I'm going out now for some drinks and sing in a ktv pub! woohoo! No talking, lotsa singing! That's life!

tv

2009-10-08T21:38:00.004+08:00

FD - The uno man!

I love blog tv (watching now as I'm typing this), the wit and insights in the discussion are really engaging! That's what I call real TV programme~

And it's weird. They say, the more you think in the day, the more you'll dream of it at night. scarily true. And it's been for a few weeks already... Hmm..just wondering why didn't I dream of 6 sets of toto jackpot numbers till now. At least with that, it'll be a some major tangibilised takeaway! ha

Bought a corded phone to install in my room. Now my room has 2 phones - a corded one and a cordless one. Well, it's not to satisfy my make-me-mr-popular dream (not that I have this dream, that is). It's just quite sick to have the cordless phone to die on me when I'm chatting with my frens. BUT the thing is, the new phone wasnt working...zzzz....have to make a trip to IMM in the next few days to make an exchange.

And oh Buddha / God / Guardian Angel / Whoever's up there and just happen to be listening, please bless my friends strength to get through this wickedly tough period. Give us some spark of to come up with really cool ideas and ability to overcome any mental block.

Ok, with divine intervention, all of you now owe me a drink =P haha

RT reflections

2009-10-08T00:56:00.004+08:00

Met Whye Kiat, my long-time-no-see JC classmate at Maju Camp today. He was the President of the student council back then and pretty fit. I was laughing when he told me he was in RT Phase 2. The good thing is, when there's someone familiar around to talk to, time passes very quickly.

I was lying on the ground, looking at the sky. The very same eyes looking at the very same sky just a few years back whilst still serving the nation. After going through a day of hard work and knowing that there's still plenty of shit ahead to be cleared, it's always nice to just lay around, look at the sky and watch the world go by.

The congregation of guys in RT means it's guys' talk for the next few hours. Things like "hey, tonite Wed, still got go St James to chiong or not?", and others asking one another about work, business, gf/wives/kids, blah blah blah. It's much easier when guys talk cos it's so natural, there's no guessing work and we say what we mean and straight to your face. If there's a problem, we'll sit down to talk, listen and we'll attempt to solve it together.

The PTIs were new and boy did I really work out! The more painful it got, the less things clouded my mind and I felt so alive. This is another instance of stupid army mentality. They tell u pain is good, means ur muslce building, u'll improve blah blah...but when u become a civilian, u'll start thinking "eh, pain where got good? pain means something wrong lah..." That's an example of real intelligence kicking in after army.

Not sure who's reading this blog but I wanna say is it ain't any easy for me as much it isn't for you. The longer this drags, the more screwed my mind will be and the greater effort I'll take before making any actions and behave so that it won't cause any misunderstanding. Look, I'm really a simple person, why do things have to be so complicated? I don't quite understand. And again, I hate to be left hanging, neither do I like to talk on msn or over sms.

And I hate using anger, confidence and non-chalence to hide what really lies beneathe.

bought this racket!

2009-10-06T23:42:00.004+08:00

HEAD MICROGEL EXTREME SQUASH RACKET

HEAD MICROGEL EXTREME SQUASH RACKET

Used by World No.1 DAVID PALMER

Headsize: 460sqcm
Weight: 135grams
Construction: Microgel™
Balance: Head Light
String Pattern: 14x16
Player Type: Advanced/Intermediate control racket
Cover: Full Thermal

With the lowest density of any material, HEAD MicroGel™ is a revolutionary new silicone-based material. HEAD has combined MicroGel ™ with stiff and strong carbon composite fibers to create a racquet with incredible responsive qualities. On ball impact, MicroGel™ uniformly distributes the impact load around the frame to provide the most rock-solid feel and superior touch ever achieved in the game.

At ball impact MicroGel™ deforms and compresses, absorbing and dispersing the impact to the entire frame, then returns quickly to its original shape.

Microgel™ technology:
MicroGel is a new material that creates a honeycomb structure around the carbon fibres for a much denser structure. This makes the racket feel much stiffer and is designed for aggressive players.

1 project down

2009-10-06T22:28:00.003+08:00

I love ah lian bee hoon! Ordered my usual beehoon kuay teow & chicken wing + other sinful stuff cos I was damn hungry. Had only pocky + teh-O the whole day cos I was too bothered by my BM 211 presentation in the afternoon.

It wasn't as fantastic as I thought nevertheless, I'm still relieved that I'm over with this crap. Spent almost 4 hrs doing collation job in the reading room, almost froze to death. When I left school at 9pm, I was still shivering until I reached Jurong. That's how badly traumatised I was with the reading room's air-con...zzz...

Met with the understudies as a group today and hope this will be the start of something great...or even greater! I wish them all the best, especially if they can take over club stuff from my room! grrrr....

And yes, it's a HUGE sigh of relief for this week already though there's RT tomorrow, it'll be just another session. Just gotta learn to bear with it and it'll be over soon.

For Services Marketing class today, Prof Chung asked us to group ourselves based on how we felt / thought ourselves to be. And yes, I'm 'confused' indeed...

2009-10-05T19:53:00.002+08:00

When ignorance is bliss and for the fact that you are not ignorant,

Is the next best alternative to act ignorant

OR

Ignore whatever inhibitions and worries and act on it

Reading room

2009-10-05T17:21:00.002+08:00

Secretly (not so secret now) cursing and swearing with tomorrow's presentation. It still doesn't feel like a year 2 module (despite it aving a 2-1-1 course code...). I swear it feels like a year 3 module with the breadth it covers even though it may not be in depth.

I can jolly well be home and just play with my nephews now...since my car is here much earlier than expected. Reading room, looks like it's you and me for many days to come already.

2009-10-05T00:50:00.002+08:00

I was in charge of presenting the events & activities MarkeTHINK has organised thus far. After completing the slides, I realised it's 12 events already!

No wonder I'm smelling something's burning already. Ha!

Kang Xi

2009-10-03T21:46:00.002+08:00

I can't believe I spent hours catching 7 episodes of Kang Xi...I do miss Xiao S' and Kang Yong's chemistry and wit. There were plenty of comical moments where I'll really burst out in laughter. Yet it was 2 particular episodes that really caught me off guard.

One was story of 张善为 and his story of his grandma & her signature 发糕

The other was a quote by Little S..."走上人生最后一段路时，我们应该用生命最后的力量去感受人生..."

Home improvement

2009-10-02T18:54:00.002+08:00

Suddenly, just suddenly, I had a sudden relevation - an imagery of how I will like to improve my room again. I'll probably pay ikea another visit should the following pre-requisite are already satisfied:

1) Remove my title as "club storeroom" & clear the crap from my room
2) Packing my files & books up onto the shelves
3) Fixing up the lamps I bought 2 months ago from Ikea
4) Finding time from projects, tests and RTs
5) Finding heart to throw away some stuff I think it's useful but in actual fact, I've not used it for the past 2 years and will not do so either in the future.
6) Finding $ to fund the new coffee table & rug

This is bad, tomorrow will be the start of my visit to Maju camp. From then on, Wednesdays 6-8pm & Saturday 4-6pm will be spent in camp. Oh no :(

Comeback king

2009-10-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

Today marks the last of my poker action for the semester. I told myself that I intend to stop until the end of examinations and I have all the intentions to honour that statement.

It was nice to play and especially so, when I'm winning :)...oh well, at least I'm being honest. People who lose tend to tilt and proceed with making emotional bets without having second thoughts of the odds that stack against them. At the back of their mind, they are probably still bothered with the previous loss and thinking all the 'Whys' like "why did it happen", "why didnt I do this or that" and "why didn't I stop myself". See, that is an example of a blind walking along the cliff's edge - 100% suicidal intentions and leaving all to luck.

Anyone who is blinded with rage or emotions cannot make a sound judgement. Being persistent is good but getting stubborn with principles, can be a recipe for more disaster. There are times aplenty when I made really decisions under a not-so-sound mind. And those were the times I truly regret what I did. One by one, having accumulated these kind of experience, it might have made me a better person, someone who tends to think a lot more, weighing the consequences and asking the simplest questions like "is that what I really want?"

I think when I ponder over my situation, I like to observe and study how people around me. I wonder if they're truly clear on what they want, whether they're ready and then, it's judgement call on me once again. It's something like poker, you make your moves at the right time with the help of lady luck. And that reminds me, it's about time to go to guanyin temple before the start of my paper. Any form of divine intervention will be nice :) Anyone interested?

Last night was a crazy night. Having spent the night over at wanling's to analyse the case and it really kicked out butts big time. As I said, this competition is small issue cos it's the experience that counts. At most, I'll treat it as each of us spending $5 for HTHT session. Heh~

Now, it does feel good to end on a high for poker. I have again protected my reputation as the "Comeback King" and it will be 2 months before I'll see any poker action. Till then, I'm pretty sure we'll be waiting for the day the poker session convenes with high anticipation!

Can you handle the ugly truth

2009-09-29T10:00:00.003+08:00

And that's The Ugly Truth - and a hilariously funny one too!

And god knows why, i blundered so many times yesterday. Bought tickets for the wrong day, forgetting that we were supposed to reach Queensway first when I drove towards Vivo etc. Oh no...my memory's failing me! First signs of old age -_-"

I believe in the principle that it's good to know but it's better to feign ignorance. Well, at least I live by it...sometimes. Heh~

Title-less moment

2009-09-24T20:21:00.002+08:00

The stars, so high. The moon, so bright. Yet they are so far away. It's straineous to keep looking up. It's more about keeping my two feet on the ground and start appreciating things and people around me.

It's about time.

Voice of Gambit

2009-09-21T03:47:00.002+08:00

It's been a few months since I've learnt how to play texas holdem. It started off from facebook which I couldn't understand the craze about it initially. Yet, just like other forms of gambling I've touched before, I can't help but agree that I might have been sucked into its vortex of deadly addiction.

With the guys, we've been faithfully playing every week and Thursdays actually became our official poker nights, where quitters or late-comers will suffer the wrath of our group. It's quite a scene seeing how a group of us started learning from facebook and proceeded on with live sessions when the gratification via online just couldn't satisfy us.

I admit there are elements of gambling involved in texas holdem as risks and odds have to be calculated before the player makes his move, taking into consideration his position and observing other people's actions. When the player makes his move and delivers a bluff that manages to fool the rest in winning the pot, it screws the losers' minds seriously. And winners can in fact get seriously high that derives from knowing you managed to win the money and screwing his mind with the kind of bets you make.

There's no way explaining via words. The only way is truly to experience the game and after some time, knowing the essense of winning is really patience and lots of poker-face moments during action time.

Knowing when to stop and actually enforcing it will critical in ensuring our liking for this game will not spiral out of control. The gambit in me really likes mind screwing my friends from my bets but all these will stop in less than 2 weeks' time when it's time to get really serious.

I need to talk

2009-09-20T00:29:00.001+08:00

There's too much negativities in my mind. I'll welcome anyone who can talk me out of these nonsense

Anger management

2009-09-15T22:34:00.004+08:00

It's amazing how anger can really cloud your judgement. It doesn't quite help with the haze condition now, the feeling of irritation spiked beyond control. I admit that's one of my weak points even since young. I've learn to manage it but once in a while, it feels good to let it out. I'll write something on this soon enough when I've got the time OR you can totally try pissing me off and I'll show you what I've got. Haha

Losing a temper is always a lost fight. Not only do you lose your cool, you lose the image and reputation and a possible friendship.

Most definitely, you'd also lose a good chance for 'going up' after you pass on. Bad karma, bad!

Confident tak-Confident

2009-09-13T15:29:00.003+08:00

Thank goodness I gave up the idea of organising a last minute poker session last night. It will do little justice to Mike as he's been there trying to organise a decent soccer session every Sunday. It was great to resume play today as it's been raining cats and dogs for the past 2 Sundays. Scored some really cool goals but I'll need to work on my stamina. In 2 months, I'll make sure they have to work hard to keep up with me in the game! haha

Left 30minutes earlier today cos I had an appointment with JH and Boon to study in NTU. It's crazy but it's always good to start abit earlier to make sure some form of momentum is in place. Last minute cramping of work kills.

It was nice talking to Rach yesterday about some things going around. So now she knows how guys function in terms of how we deal with complicated matters (ps: don't bother finding out why. we simply function that way by nature). And congrats, that's makes her the 2nd person who caused both my cordless phones to go flat in 2 days. Maybe I should consider getting another phone (a corded one this time) to be on my study desk.

There are times when the image of confidence is actually amplified and intentionally used as a facade to cover the not-so-confident areas in life.

You can't read my poker face, can you?

2009-09-06T12:37:00.003+08:00

Seems like sticking with my original style is the winning formula. I was relying way too much on luck and almost got my fingers burnt again last night. Thankfully, the turnaround strategy worked and definitely, luck played a big part too (thanks james! I was just as lucky as you were previously, so no hard feelings on that bet! haha)

So guys, chances are poker nights will be on Thursday, unless otherwise stated. I really don't think it's a good idea to play on Saturdays cos the probability of us giving Sunday soccer a miss is way too high. Playing 1-4am was good by I felt like I was suffering a bloody hangover when I woke up at 9+...and boy was I lucky...it rained like crazy - that means soccer cancelled & back to bed.

I foresee I'll be quite tied up in school in the coming 2 weeks. I can only pray for recess week to arrive and I'll be in time to unwind a little...hang in there!

Squash Day

2009-09-03T01:00:00.002+08:00

How do you define a gambler? What do you consider as gambling?

Some may say that as long as it involves money, that's gambling. Well, I beg to differ. Money is nothing more than a medium that's being exchanged between individuals. Having said that, yes I do appreciate that in some games, money is involved because that'll mean instant gratification (or dis-gratification if that matters).

Risks exist in everything we do. When you eat something really nice but sinful, you risk your health, when you study too much, you risk getting your brains fried. But then again, no pain no gain.

I know I'm a risk-taker and in fact, sometimes it's too much for my own good. Am I really up for it?

Just for clarity sake, in case you've been hearing things about Poker or whatever..I'm not a gambler. I'm a player. I play to win. =D

Squash wasn't too bad today. Managed to sweat it out quite a bit and seems like it'll be sooner than later that I will resume more squash @ john's and go on more running sessions. There's no way I'll be thrashed by the upcoming RT in October!

1st presentation of the semester

2009-08-31T20:43:00.002+08:00

I'm thankful that AB311 presentation went pretty smoothly. Not my best performance but it did not affect much to the presentation. It was lucky that the prof didn't quite catch me losing my train of thoughts. In fact, I asked a rather good question that led up to me remembering my arguments. Even though it wasn't phrased well, still, it served the purpose of me delaying some time =D

It was quite funny when my Korean classmate shook my hands outside of class and thanked me for the exciting presentation. Ok, thanks to him but, I wouldn't dare say it was exciting. The rest of my team performed much better in my opinion.

Now it's break-back moment for myself cos I think I might be down with flu. Serve me right for sleeping at 4-5am on Friday and Saturday! =( And I will miss my faithful water bottle that my friends gave me for my 21st birthday. "Hydrate or Die": The attitude water bottle will now remain only in my memory. I left it in LT1A last week and now, it's gone. Haiz. No more 'attitude' water bottle anymore.

And no James, I shouldn't have came. I chionged project until 6am that day and thank goodness I did that. Soccer will come and go, poker session will come too(on thursday nights!). But I've got a responsibility to my group members that I simply cannot and will not shirk. And I'm sorry our gatherings gotta suffer cos of that but I'm sure you guys understand yeah?

Jun: You gay, you caused us the best seats in the house. -2 for the lousy seats cos no more $168 tickets (sold out thanks to you), -1.5 cos I had presentation this morning at 8.30 and I had to conserve my energy and voice & prepare the damn slides after the concert ended at 12mn.

Rachel: I don't know...maybe subconsciously I see you as...evil =X

Jamie: Flattered sia...haha, no need lah, keep it up for both you and rachel! =)

Mayday DNA concert

2009-08-30T12:52:00.001+08:00

I didn't enjoy myself fully at Mayday's concert.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10.

Nightmare

2009-08-29T16:57:00.000+08:00

3 hrs more to the longly awaited Mayday concert.

I slept just now in the afternoon cos I fear the concert will take a mighty toll on me (and I heard it might just end at 12 mid night...woots!)

But the afternoon 2 hour nap became a nightmare instead. I dreamt that I forgot to bring the concert tickets and I had to cab back home to get it. It was 7.02pm, just an hour before the concert started! Damn..

In the cab, 2 other friends joined me cos they wanted to hitch a ride home since they stayed somewhere nearby. I can't really remember who they were but they were 2 of my guy friends. Uncle took a wrong turn but thankfully, we were still en route on the AYE and exited Telok Blangah AYE to head towards Jurong.

In this bizzare dream of mine, I also dreamt of my ab213 prof (not gc, the indian 1) but she looked so much better, less dark (haha!), more white hair. In short, she didnt look like herself at all.

Oh, then I wanted to drive back to indoor stadium. I realised I lent my car to Prof Lewis cos he wanted to borrow it to go for lunch earlier on. YA! How bizzare is that! I called cheryl and jeremy to keep contacting him. In the end, J told me he was meeting some other prof. I arrived at his home, saw my car parked at a corner, sandwiched by 2 white lorries and I was checking if the lorries scratche the cars.

I realised Prof lewis' handphone (blue ericsson model, super old kind) left in the car. So i called his home and spoke to his wife telling her to tell prof lewis i needed to drive the car back already.

Then over at indoor stadium, apparently, Rachel (yes rachel...u appeared! haha), said to me she managed to hiong to the 4th floor of the office and entered the concert venue. Then she said it in a very ultimate buay song, saracastic, annoying way. I almost wanted to blurt out to kb her...

In short, this is a bloody weird dream. haha...

Lots of update

2009-08-27T14:31:00.004+08:00

I suck, as a friend.

It is until now that I have realised that, I have been neglecting my friends around me and my social life was in fact, 2nd priority compared to anything else. There were upteenth times that I didn't make it for social gatherings due to work, club commitments etc. I have indeed taken the friendships for granted.

Just this morning, I was surfing facebook. It was only through there did I discover that Wilson, my friend since JC, has gone for overseas exchange somewhere in Europe. Missed dinner twice organised by him, first time was due to fever and the second, was due to club meeting. I believe he tired his best to accomodate as many friends within the same dinner schedule as possible but obviously, I didn't try hard enough on my part. So, what kind of friend am I?

I am a true believer of friendship - to be able to trust in another individual and to know that you're trusted as well. Friends offer more than just company. They are guiding lights to the right values in life, aunts-agony when you're feeling low, and supporting pillars when the going gets tough and when it seems too much for you to bear on your 2 shoulders. Having said that, it's so easy to forge a friendship but it takes fate and commitments from both sides to maintain one that will endure the test of time.

I am thankful for my friends in MarkeTHINK, people whom I can truly rely on for things to be done. With everyone working for a common goal, every additional presence counts. Especially so when we are a big bunch of dreamers who have big dreams for the club. It's not a matter of who contributed bigger or better than anyone else. With something as small as a screw missing, it can lead to the collapse of a monument. People like Rachel & Jieying have truly amazed me with their commitment to the club and I'm very impressed with their performance of the past few months. I'm also hoping to see something similar happen to the rest of my friends before we step down in a few months' time.

I remembered when Irene / Jie-en asked me during the interview why I wanted to join the club, I said I wanted to take it easy since it's much easier to manage a smaller club that's just been established. In truth, another part of me wanted to challenge myself to achieve the most for a new establishment, which in my opinion, will be the greatest acheivement of my life. There were many times in the past when I took on new roles to see what I could gain out of it...like stage-acting, representing teams for soccer, being a business manager, emcee-ing for various events etc. There are probably around 8 more months of school left for me and I don't think I will look back in regret this time. Student life has been awfully fulfiling in these 3 fast-paced years and that is definitely, to my delight.

I feel that I have acheieved what I've set out to acheive in the past 23 years leading the life as a student. It is only right to have a proper handover and groom the next batch of leaders to move the club forward. It is not my dream nor is it my legacy. It is the vision of many batches of student leaders no matter what portfolios they held for the club. We took over the foundation they have laid for us, and hopefully, the next batch will take over and continue the momentum of progress.

Having said that, it seems like new priorities have emerged in my life. And maybe, just maybe, I hope this can be the start of something better and more meaningful. We'll just have to see how things go from now..

1st day of 7th Month

2009-08-20T20:04:00.003+08:00

when there's a slight burning smell...

2009-08-15T19:42:00.001+08:00

"Be Yourself"

Someone falls to pieces
Sleepin all alone
Someone kills the pain
Spinning in the silence
To finally drift away
Someone gets excited
In a chapel yard
Catches a bouquet
Another lays a dozen
White roses on a grave

To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do

Someone finds salvation in everyone
And another only pain
Someone tries to hide himself
Down inside himself he prays
Someone swears his true love
Untill the end of time
Another runs away
Separate or united?
Healthy or insane?

To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do

And even when you've paid enough, been pulled apart or been held up
With every single memory of the good or bad faces of luck
don't lose any sleep tonight
I'm sure everything will end up alright

You may win or lose

But to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do

Staying true to promises.

2009-08-13T21:57:00.000+08:00

You know, when things goes awry and sometimes awfully wrong. Or when people start to deviate from their initial positions and perhaps forgetting what the original promises were.

You'd probably be pondering, so what went wrong, who's at fault, who changed blah blah blah.

It's easy to be sucked into the vortex of negativism and it's definitely much easier than you think just turn your back, close an eye or two, on the things that you had committed yourself into. That applies to any forms of commitments you made to any individual or individuals for that matter of factly.

Then when the going gets tough and things seem tougher by the day, perhaps to foolhardy will be the ones who are willing to stick their head into the thick of action and press on. I salute these group of foolhardies for they are the ones don't wait for things to happen...they make them happen. I truly thank these bunch of people for their dedication, commitment and work ethics have made me seen a better side of them.

In times of trouble, I know who I can fall back on. When people aren't doing the things they're supposed to do, are we supposed to blame them? Or do we also have a part to play for not delegating jobs and pressing them on. We have different priorities in life and as human, it is inadvertently we will try to impose our standards and expectations of ourselves unto others.

As much as how leaders perform by example of taking on jobs that no one wants to take, then comes another issue, the issue of delegation. I've seen it happen too many times and the signs were early too this time. We shouldn't be harping on the problems when it's the solutions we need to seek. Yet, ignoring the problems might cause even bigger ones later on.

That is why, we need the kind of wisdom to see the bigger picture; the humility of accepting that we are imperfect and there's still so much we can learn from one another; the perserverance to see through the toughest of times; and the belief that we can contribute if we try hard enough, proactive enough and inspire the people around us to bear that same kind of belief.

It won't be long before all these are gone. By then, we can only look back and reminiscent of what we've done, could've done & shouldn't have done. Till then, I can only beckon everyone to stay focus and let's steer this ship to achieve something greater. We wouldn't know what we can achieve until we really try it, isn't it?

Feels good

2009-08-07T20:51:00.000+08:00

It's been sooooo long since I felt so good. Emcee-ing was awesome today! You know, addressing to the crowd of 800-900 people, getting them high, felt so....AWESOME!

And I was blessed with a great emcee partner, Rachel! She's so cool and natural...it didn't seem like her first time emcee-ing at all! =))

black & white

2009-08-01T18:17:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered why this blog seems dull, made of mainly of black & white?

If only life was that clear cut and everything was simply black or white. Yet in reality, grey areas are plentiful.

He was one of the reasons I supported the club that wore the black & white jersey. He ignited their passion, made them play attractive and successful attack football. He was a coach, a motivator, a faithful Geordie. He's a legend.

He is Sir Bobby Robson. -Rest in peace SBR-

10 hours doing club stuff

2009-07-27T02:38:00.000+08:00

Yes it may not seem like a tough job but in fact, it is a big pain in the ass. Spent almost 10 hours at it and I've not prepared for my emcee-ing duty tomorrow.

Nevertheless, I'm still freaking proud of myself. And also, thankful to have Mike & Junlin around!

2009-07-25T21:20:00.001+08:00

I've got new furnitures! woohoo! But I've got no time to fix them up! They've been lying in my room for more than a week! Dang~

Hangin'

2009-07-20T23:09:00.000+08:00

Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there!!!

I am...

2009-07-19T12:59:00.002+08:00

...so bloody tired.

I can only focus with the end in mind and also, looking forward to scuba diving in Sept. As long as my buddy Gerald dun bang seh me. I only feel safe with some people checking on my scuba apparatus.

Good thing there isn't much noise down there. At least I'll be able to find some peace and quiet...and start panicking only when my air runs low. Haha

An update amidst my busy schedule

2009-07-19T02:36:00.003+08:00

-Referring to Jieying's blogpost on the near-death experience in my car-

It doesn't help when my (lack of) navigation skills & under-understanding of how my car's GPS works resulted in me taking a longer route trying to get out of Orchard Road.

It is desperately confusing with the turns and winding roads. Unsurprisingly, I was caught off guard when I turned right and realised that I will enter the lanes facing the opposite direction. I swerved left and went back into the correct lane just to have a bloody taxi uncle who happily turned and tried to cut right without even checking that I was on his right side.

Our cars nearly collided and both of us swerved again in the opposite direction to get out of potential harm's way.

I was too stunned that my heart raced for quite a while. Thank goodness, Jieying and I are still alive! We are 2 non-insured people in the car and if anything happened, it aint worth it at all (since there wun be insurance payout! $_$)

Morning conversation with dad

2009-07-08T00:48:00.004+08:00

Dad: "So what do you want to study after you graduate?"

Me: Zzzz *don't know how to answer*

Dad: "Never mind. Maybe you should go work. Go out and see the world. I'm sure there'll be work somewhere. Even if it means clearing rubbish"

Me: Zzzz x10..."Pa, how bout lending me $6k for my grad trip? Some of my friends are thinking of Europe. I'm thinking I'll help you save $, so I'll go Australia instead...maybe I'll take it as a loan or something..."

Dad: *ignores* "What's grad trip? We'll see how..."

Me: Zzzzz x100

Bloody Busy

2009-07-07T02:00:00.005+08:00

We stayed in school for 3 hours until almost 12mn, that's on top of the time travelling from work, getting the materials and dinner.

Yes it was hard work and right now, my neck's still strained thank to the sticking of the clouds & letterings. Yet, at the end of it, looking at the final product, it was definitely worth it. Oh Yeah! Yes, that's Post-it Competition that's coming soon to NTU!

I'm sorry to my friends cos this week is really a bloody killer for me. I've got work to rush out and also handle club-related or school-related matters that require me. Sorry but maybe we'll meet up soon like, next week? I'm sure you all undertand =)

Shin Splint?

2009-07-05T00:16:00.004+08:00

Soccer wasn't too bad today. Finally played with Fabien & Kwok & their friends. I was attracted to the fact that they played relax soccer but seemed like fate had other plans installed for us.

Today's session was nice way to kickstart my soccer regime. I'll just have to take it slow, play more goalies in the meantime. And it does pay to have friends who are becoming PE teachers like Fabien. From the way he described his friend's injury, seems like I might have a shin splint.

I even went to google on it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shin_splints

Ice it, Rest it. That's what I'm gonna do.

Random excitement

2009-06-28T23:58:00.003+08:00

I've reserved 28-30 Aug 2009 to visit NATAS Holidays @ Singapore Expo Halls 4 & 5. I believe that it pays to go early to research on the packages and prices so that I will be better prepared for my coming grad trip in 10 months' time! Woohoo!

Australia & New Zealand...I'm already getting excited just at the thought of it! Roadtrips to the countryside, visiting the sunday flea market, feasting on the fresh seafood @ the marketplace, chilling with a glass of red wine, lazing my time under the stars. That's life man! woohoo!

In memory of (part 2)

2009-06-28T20:19:00.002+08:00

When you have a maid who's filipino and is like a big sister to you, that means lots of exposure to radio and cassette recordings long before you know it. And these are some songs I grew up with. Other than the songs, there's also the Sega games of MJ.

He's definitely going to be missed.

In memory of

2009-06-27T16:20:00.002+08:00

The King's gone. What a shocker to greet me while watching the morning news.

It seems like he's lonely and that he died in isolation. The world's criticised him on the stuff he's done to screw his own body and his life. All the King wanted was to lead a more normal life, having a family, having kids etc. In his lifetime however, he found the most peace whilst performing on stage.

All the isolation and criticisms over the years. All the loneliness he might have felt. It doesn't matter now does it?

Hope he finds peace up there. And may God bless his children.
Rest in Peace, MJ.

a story of a boy

2009-06-26T00:15:00.003+08:00

There's always an easier way out in life. It's a matter of choice of whether you do it or you don't.

A boy some time back made that decision. He didn't know what else he could do but he just felt that he should do it. Was he expecting something? Maybe, maybe not but certainly, he showed like he didn't care. He gave the wrong replies which he regrets sending out.

The boy thought about it again. Was he trying to compare himself? No way. He was himself and there was nothing to compare since everyone's different. So what does the boy like? "I like just the way she is" was the final answer to the various questionings. Somehow it just felt right. He knew it was important to move in yet at the same time, she seemed happy already. And, that was all that mattered. As long as she's happy.

Will things go back to the way they were? Maybe...but cracks will appear and boy wonders when will he return back to how he was before. Maybe he needs some time alone...or maybe he needs some guiding light.

For now, boy seeks solace in work cos it will drown him and keep him busy from thinking too much about anything else. That's what he thinks.

shag beyond words

2009-06-25T23:36:00.002+08:00

I'm tired beyond words when I got home. It's like, I was sitting infront of my com surfing some sites and before I know it, I KONKED OUT.

Chit chatted with mum just now made me realise something. No matter what, family is still family. And I'm quite amused like how funny the obvious lack of common sense in how families are in bringing up their kids (referring to brudder).

And...Yingwei's probably right about what she said in the car home.

Mixed

2009-06-25T00:06:00.003+08:00

Look at the cheesy moves. This is what I call a song that screws your emotions. Serious song with a humour element in it. Well done.

What Good Is A Heart
I told you how I felt,
I told you what it meant,
But I still haven’t changed your mind,
I know that you’re afraid,
You’re frightened of the pain,
But you can let down your guard

Cause when we run, when we hide,
We deny what’s inside

What good is a heart if you’re not gonna use it,
What good is a love if you’re too scared to choose it,
If you’re heart is beating, then it’s for a reason, girl,
If you’re not even willing to start, what good is a heart?

Don’t make the same mistake that people often make,
And miss out on a chance for love,
You’ve got to make your move, you’ve got to make it soon,
Cause you’re dying inside

Yes, I’m a man, but I cry,
I have fears, I won’t lie

What good is a heart if you’re not gonna use it,
What good is a love if you’re too scared to choose it,
If you’re heart is beating, then it’s for a reason, girl,
If you’re not even willing to start, what good is a heart?

Come on, babe, you know it, girl,
Anyone who looks can see that I’m right,
There’s a chance here, we could take it,
Or regret it for the rest of our lives

What good is a heart if you’re not gonna use it,
What good is a love if you’re too scared to choose it,
If you’re heart is beating, then it’s for a reason, girl,
If you’re not even willing to start, what good is a heart?

at 2.06am

2009-06-22T02:06:00.002+08:00

2.06am: and I'm still chionging my work. This can't be happening Zzzz...how am I going to survive office tomorrow?

3.13am: Think I better sleep. Continue to chiong in the office.

Aldrik's baby shower today

2009-06-21T16:45:00.007+08:00

seriously, all but me has double eyelids! =(

the new man in da house!

awww, nath has a bad hair day...

Today is Aldrik Chu's baby shower aka full-month celebration. Unlike Nath's, I didn't buy him any present cos I saw that the present I gave Nath was still well up on the cupboard, still in its original wrapping. Fate has it, I can't save my money cos I was fined $10 in parking offence. Zzzz
To differentiate the 2 junior Chus, the younger one has a nasty temper, unlike his brother Nath. I don't remember hearing Nath cry or throw tantrums at all back then but for Aldrik, he the man with personality...if u get what I mean.

No doubt both of them bear close resemblence to my bro. Big eyes, facial features etc. Nath has a high forehead while Aldrik has a dimple. I eyed around at my family members who were around today, both paternal and maternal side. I can't help but notice the stark difference between me & them. I'm the only person with single eyelid in my family! And all of them are pure blood types, that is to say A+ or B+ whilst I'm the only one with AB+.

Am I really from the dustbin? T_T

Positivity again

2009-06-20T12:18:00.003+08:00

Went to look at my previous posts. Goodness me, it was a spell of emoness! Somewhat similar to what I've went through almost a year back.

My usual ways of de-stressing and un-emoing are by getting friends out to talk & also give myself a good sweat. Looking at the condition of my leg now, it seems impossible to get out there to have a good sweat. Just imagine, I could only manage running 5min before limping back home, much to my own frustration. I truly appreciate Fabien who invited me for a soccer session this morning but I will need some time to recover.

With 1 of my 2 venting outlets struck out, I do need to talk to more friends. That could be why James is acting so weirdly recently with all the suddenly spike in interest in mahjong n squash..haha..

It seems like last week's temple visit is taking its effect now. I'm feeling positive all over again already! Woots

mv i'm watching now at 11.04pm

2009-06-18T23:03:00.000+08:00

relieved

2009-06-17T23:45:00.001+08:00

It's all about timing. And feeling.

Feels great to let things out...I'm feeling so much relieved already.

Tioman & Redang

2009-06-16T19:59:00.002+08:00

Been browsing through some friends' photo albums cos they just came back from overseas. It's either their cameras or photoshop skills are so zai, otherwise, I'm going to make Tioman & Redang my 2 MUST VISIT places within 2 years!

The waters are so clear. Even snorkelling near the shore I'll also get high!

Just imagine chilling on the beach with the sun, the sand & the sea. Don on your beach shades with a ice cold drink by your side. From sun rise to sun down. For that moment, time does feel like it stood still...just for you. Perfect.

Better

2009-06-15T23:57:00.000+08:00

I'm finally stationed back in office. Although it won't be long before I go out for Round 2 Survey, I must treasure my whatever precious office hours. It's really a blessing and joy to work 8.15 - 5pm. I was freezing while working on my data entry today. It's a direct contrast to what I had to undergo while surveying out there. The heat and the sweat. For now, at least I'm done with part 1.

At least in office, with every minute that passes by, it's a minute nearing to knock off. Even when there's flexibility when conducting field work, it's actually can be quite a torture to go out at weird hours on the streets to get your target segments to do survey for you. I finally understand how my friends go through their survey assignments in the past. But hey, I've got n=900 to accomplish by end of PA. Zzz

Thankfully, I'm blessed with a bunch of great friends. With yesterday's visit to Guan Yin Temple @ Bugis, I hope my luck will turn for the better. And as like every time I go there, I pray for my family to be safe and healthy & all my friends to be happy and get their wishes come true.

独乐乐不如众乐乐

When life's a game

2009-06-14T10:57:00.003+08:00

After only an hour on the court, I was limping back home. Maybe I'm lazy, maybe I'm weak. It was the easier way out afterall, wasn't it? Simply by blaming on an injury for a poor display on the court.

I didn't come down early in the morning and expect to get back home after 1 hour. Yet, I couldn't really continue with the pain persisting near my shin. The last straw came when my ankles went numb and I couldn't control the ball nor my right foot. Thankfully, it was within my keeper's area.

I've always said I enjoy being spectator. You see all the entire game in play, how dramatic things get and speculate what's the next move by the players involved. Action-Reaction.

Yet, there's always this urge for me to get in and be part of the game too. For now, even if I want to, I highly doubt I'll play a beautiful game. Instead, I'll just have to train myself hard enough in the meantime while waiting for the right opportunity for me to step in. And this applies to more than just soccer.

Blood donation, party, HTHT

2009-06-14T01:37:00.008+08:00

21st Birthday Party @ Jurong West: Met up with the CAC FOC peepz and I was rather happy chit-chatting with them. I'm surprised at my crapping skills even when I have barely woken up. It's with them, that I realise how fast time flies. It's been 2 years since the camp! Wow...

After birthday party, went to meet Mike & Jianhong @ Bt Batok. Glad to know that perhaps Jh halfway out of Singles Emo Club, with official reason :)....Seriously, anyone who can get out officially, I'll be so happy for them. That is why I said SEC will be closed this year! That's my parting speech to them as outgoing pres. Haha

And for tomorrow, I'm finally going to resume my Sunday Soccer routine with the soccer bunch. It's been over a month since I last played with them and I'm feeling slightly excited now thinking of tomorrow.

Bugged by some bad luck / aura recently and I'm disturbed by that. I've been waking up abruptly for a few times this week. No nightmares but the abrupt awakenings are still scary and really disturbing. As a starter, I went to donate blood today to gain some good karam. Hopefully tomorrow's visit to the temple will give me some guidance too. Divine intervention! Lai lai..I'll not mind if it allows me to strike TOTO jackpot too. =)

Enjoy the pictures.

The night that I emo-ed

2009-06-13T01:28:00.002+08:00

How will life be 60 years' from now?

Just read a news on Britain's Iron Lady, former premier Thatcher. She's 83 this year, suffering from dementia and she struggles to remember the simplest of things. And she will find it increasingly difficult as the days go by.

She forgot her husband of more than 50 years, had passed away in 2003 and everytime, she had to be reminded by their daughter that he is gone.

This news struck a chord with me somehow. I shan't say what. But definitely, it reminds me of the very purpose of starting this blog. To pen down my memories, in case one fine day, I'm gone or if my mind turns rusty. At least, this blog is a living proof of my humble existence in this world.

It's weird. I said I wouldn't emo but I just can't help it but feel a little tinge of loneliness tonight. It could be my iTunes that's blasting a series of emo songs @ random. You know, when u are suay, even iTunes is picking on me. I get over this kind of negativities pretty easily cos I'm always surrounded with a great bunch of friends. Yet, as the sun sets and dust settles, who's there at the very end? Right now, I don't think I see anyone.

So, this boils down to the next quote I've put up since the beginning of this blog: "Will You Walk With Me Till The End?"

First, attraction. Then, communication. With these two aside, what that quote represents is perhaps the final criteria. It is commitment, dedication. Something really simple yet understandably difficult to maintain with all the temptations present. Till that day arrives, I'll be walking alone until someone else decides to join me in this journey.

If no one comes, then, it's journey to the west for me and 阿弥陀佛...monkhood here I come. Zzzz

Emotions

2009-06-12T01:24:00.002+08:00

Hmm...I do like singing. It allows me to attach certain emotions to the plot of the MV. Yeah it's like the usual, boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy can't get her for whatever reasons such as illnesses, accidents, emergence of 3rd party, boy BEING the 3rd party blah blah and the list goes on. So boy becomes emo and so the song goes on to make listeners / singers emo too.

Maybe I ought to go pick up a lesson or two on singing. I can't help it when my range is so short that it's limited to those few singers I'm used to singing @ kbox. Whenever I try to sing anyone else's, zao sia is inevitable. And sorry belinda, I'm humble enough to know that I can't take part in singing competitions. Maybe if there's a Markethink competition, I may consider...afterall, there's JY and Cheryl to fight the top 2 spots.

And folks, when you see me stoning at 1 corner, I'm really just stoning. Or perhaps I'm just enjoying the song or gaming away on my iPhone. An easily emo kid, I am not. =)

Bad Day

2009-06-09T00:01:00.003+08:00

I had a terrible run of luck today.

First, after conducting surveys, I was on my way back to office after lunch. By the time I hopped onto the bus at Yishun, I realised my pants were getting damp. To my horror, I realised it was my water bottle leaking in my bag & considering my bag's water resistant...I saw this puddle of water inside my bag, alongside my laptop, survey forms, mop samples etc. Thank goodness it was only a 5 min ride to my office but this clearly caused a mini frenzy in me.

After work, Cheryl & I decided to try a different route to get to Yishun, which was the same bus that was travelling on the opposite direction. Wrong choice. It usually took 5-10min if we hopped on from the usual bus stop but this time, it took 15-20 minutes!

To make things worse, I couldn't find my Student EZ-Link pass when I boarded the bus. This caused another frenzy mode as I attempted to search high and low in different compartments of my bag and frisking my own pockets (maybe the other passengers think I'm a 怪伯伯 who likes to touch himself...zzzz) but it ended in futility. My mind was obviously bothered by where could my EZ-Link be as it's 1 of the rare time I decided to take it out of my wallet and of all days, it had to go missing today after what has happened earlier on.

I just hope that Cheryl may break to me some good news of finding my EZ-Link on my desk tomorrow morning when she gets to the office. The mini flooding of my bag did not cause major damage except that it might have just drowned my laptop mouse. Now I can't click it and that means I will have to buy a new mouse =(. I'm not a sucker for new things cos I think that even if it's broken, as long as I can use it, I'll make do with it. But now, there's no room for any more make-dos.

Oh man, I'm feeling pretty lousy now cos of this bad run. If it nothing's improving, maybe I'll pop by 四马路 to 拜拜 a bit. Better to be safe than sorry.

Still, I'm in such a lousy mood now that I'm not in the right frame to talk to anyone. Emo big time zzz

Feels Right?

2009-06-05T19:07:00.001+08:00

Sia la... I can't stand it. Yj knows me waaaaaay too well....Zzzzz

damn tired

2009-06-04T00:28:00.004+08:00

I know I shouldn't be saying this. It's so many surveys and competitors' anaylses that it's really crushing me. I'm barely hanging...

If going around asking for surveys isn't bad enough, try being ignored or worse, receiving a weird look as if I'm alien from outerspace when I approach them for a 5-10min survey. Hello, it's fine not to help but why give me those looks as if I owe u $ or my very existence is like so insulting for you to even acknowledge me?

Can't people realise that these market research information are really important in finding out what they really want and by communicating effectively to them, it saves the company resources over the long run.

C'mon people, have some heart and answering simple questions won't hurt U..and you'll receive a free gift too lah! wassup man -_-"

Which girl for you (quoted from friend's blog again)

2009-06-02T23:56:00.003+08:00

Just had to spread good blog info around in case any of my fellow SEP member friends need em'...

There are a lot of good women out there, even though it's not always easy to find them. Here's a list of women with traits you should actively look for — and that would make any guy happy:

Miss Sweet
Miss Sweet is a woman who's positive, content with her life, always upbeat — and just a blast to be around. She's a genuine person without a bitch bone in her body. She's always truly happy to see you and you find yourself looking forward to spending time with her. Miss Sweets are usually snapped up out of the dating market right away, so they're pretty rare. But if you can find one, you've got a real treasure on your hands.

Miss Equality
This type of woman is a true feminist — not one of the radical man-haters, or the hypocritical pseudo-feminists who think that equality means "I demand equal rights and an equal salary, but a man still has to pay for me." The Miss Equalitys of the world genuinely like men, and understand that equality means equality across the board, from holding the door open to fighting on the front lines. They believe that a relationship should be a 50/50 partnership, and are more than willing to shoulder their half of the responsibilities and dating expenses — just because it's the right thing to do.

Miss Sexual
You should be so lucky to encounter one of these! Miss Sexual loves men and loves sex — and makes no bones about it. She's not selling it, she's not using it as a tool to manipulate men — she just naturally craves it. Miss Sexual is not to be confused with a nymphomaniac, who suffers from psychological problems — rather, she has somehow bypassed the female societal training of auctioning off the use of her vagina to the highest bidder. For this reason, most other women hate her, because she's giving it away free of charge. But men love her because she's a free spirit who's actually honest about her sex drive. Very rare, but worth searching the ends of the earth for.

Miss Best Friend (i hate this man...seriously...=(...)
Closely aligned with Miss Sweet, Miss Best Friend is another joy to be around. She's the kind of woman you're totally in sync with — you like the same things, watch the same TV shows, enjoy going to the same places. You can spend five minutes with her and think you've known her for years. She's always on your side, laughs at all your jokes and calls you just to say "hi" because she genuinely misses you. She's great just to hang with. A word of warning, though — with Miss Best Friend, you have to make your sexual interest known from day one because if she gets it into her head that you are going to be "just friends," it's almost impossible to change her mind.

Miss Straightforward
This is the type of woman who knows how to communicate. With Miss Straightforward, there are no games, no expecting men to be mind readers, no behavior based on ridiculous, female-biased advice from articles in Cosmo or The Rules. Miss Straightforward will pick up the phone and ask you out. She will do what she says she will do — not say one thing and do just the
opposite. Although she may be blunt at times, at least you'll know where you stand and you'll never have to spend hours trying to decode contradictory or emotion-based female behavior.

Miss Independent
This is a good woman to find if you don't have a lot of time to invest in a relationship or you're the type of guy who needs a lot of space. Miss Independent has a real life of her own and is happily going in her own positive direction. She's the type who wants a man in her life, but doesn't need a man in her life. And she certainly isn't looking for men to solve all her problems or blame when things don't go her way.

Miss No Pressure
While many women are chomping at the bit to get married, Miss No Pressure hasn't fallen prey to any such agenda. She's happy just to be with you. So you don't get any "Where is our relationship going?" or hint-dropping about the future or window-shopping at the jewelry store. She may want to get married at some point, but she's in no hurry — she thinks that if it happens, it will just happen naturally.

Miss Secure
Miss Secure accepts herself as she is and is comfortable with her good points, as well as her bad. And she feels the same about you. Miss Secure doesn't need constant attention to shore up a sagging ego, has tons of self-esteem and is always going in her own positive direction.

Miss Personality
Miss Personality is a great find. She might not be up for first prize in a beauty contest (although she could be), but her intelligence, wit and sparkling presence just light up the room, and she draws people like a magnet. Her personality is so charming that it easily overcomes any deficiencies she might have in the looks department, just because she's so great to be with.

Miss Low-Maintenance
The rarest of the rare, Miss Low-Maintenance is the most atypical of modern women. She really doesn't care about how much money you have — she just likes you for yourself and not for what she can take from you. She's likely to be a true feminist, and will gladly pay her share of the dating expenses. If you can find a Miss Low-Maintenance, hang on to her for dear life!

Miss Right for You
A lot of guys choose women who are "arm candy" — good-looking trophy girlfriends who bolster their status among other men or counteract their own insecurities. That's all well and good, but if you find a woman who makes you happy, regardless of looks, age or social status — or what any other guy thinks — then you have definitely won at the mating game.

Gentlemen, what's your pick?

The Seven Deadly (quoted from friend's blog)

2009-06-02T23:46:00.002+08:00

I just had to grab this info which was posted on my friend's blog. I think it deserves greater audience so yes, here I am, enlightening my bros and occasional sistas visiting my blog.

Mr Dollar Bill Arsonist
A regular at upmarket waterholes like Winebar and Qbar, he may be young, but he's loaded and disillusioned with the value of money. Used to lighting cigarettes with lit up dollar bills and with a wallet full of titanium credit cards, he's thinks money can buy you everything.

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: Oh no....I'm really worried about my grades...
He: How much do you want?
Girlfriend: Do you think God exists?
He: Seriously, how much do you want?

Verdict: He does not take you seriously and assumes all relationships are developed on the basis of a monetary transaction. His so-called man-buddies are probably hangout out with him because he's loaded. When push comes to shove, you'll never know if he'll be around. However, unless you're a gold-digger whose sole life purpose can be fulfilled with material satisfaction, you go Girl!

Mr I-Need-You-24/7
Easily noticeable, he exudes a minion-like behaviour around girlfriends. Recall the guy who calls his girlfriend 5 times in an hour (that's basically once every 10mins), he has developed an arched-back from carrying too many shopping bags, and is seemingly lacking his own social circle.

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: Why do you keep calling me! I'm doing my project!
He: Where are you? Why can't you tell me? Why can't I be there with you?
Girlfriend: Don't disturb me, I'm having menstrual cramps
He: I wanna be with you 24/7. You need tampons? I can run out to 7-11 and be back in 2 minutes.

Verdict: Well, if you're willing to tolerate a second 'shadow' in the form of the male species, and enjoy having a quasi-Nazi track your every move in exchange for a self-devoted serf, I salute you.

Mr Work Drone
Every girl wants a man with ambition and the drive to succeed. But the line is oh-so-easily crossed. Especially when he disappears for 6 months, only to say 'sorry baby, I was busy with work'. You were worried sick for weeks because you could not contact him while he voluntarily withdraws into uninformed isolation.

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: Honey, have you eaten yet? Shall we go for dinner?
He: Nah...I don't have time. One minute spent on trivialities equals the opportunity cost of $10,000
Girlfriend: Honey, my Dad got into an accident and may not live to see tomorrow. He really wants to see you.
He: Baby, you know that means I have to work harder to support your extended family. I need to work extra hard to strategise how to take over the position of CEO in a month's time. And after that, the world.

Verdict: Yes he is driven; he's probably working for a better future for the both of you. However, a good relationship requires equal input from 2 well-balanced people. If he's such an Ace at work, juggling a work-life balance shouldn't be a problem. This behaviour is reflective of intrinsic characteristics. If you're hoping to change him, FORGET IT. Career will always be number one for him.
*another point to note, be wary of guys who continually harp on 'opportunity costs', it's absurdly cold-blooded to quantify human relations.

Mr Smooth Operator
He's absolutely fantastic at 'the game', a wonderkid in PR and can effortlessly make a girl go weak in the knees with a spontaneous haiku on genital warts. Some say he's 'smooth', others say he's 'the player'. You probably never have the chance to have a decent conversation with him since he spens 90% of the time serenading you with his glib tongue.

You may find this familiar:
He: Excuse me, could I borrow your mobile phone? It's an emergency. My mum told me to give her a call the first time I fell in love.
She: I... (He interrupts)He: Shh...If I could arrange the alphabets, I'd put U and I together
She: But... (He interrupts again) (It goes on endlessly)

Verdict: If he can 'smooth' his way into your heart (one with which you thought was already cold, hard and indifferent), it'll be no surprise if women have been welcoming him with legs wide open. It's one thing to whisper sweet nothings to you, but it's another if he doesn't put a lid on that exuding charm around others. If he gives everyone the 'special treatment', he's probably just not that into you (pardon the pun). It's not a female jealousy gene embedded in chromosome X. You don't want to suffer an anxiety attack one day when his 3 other girlfriends call you up - just when you think you're his only one.

Mr 'Frags-a-lot' (So sucky)
Hidden in the extreme corners of dimly-lit LAN gaming shops, he spends all his money on comic books and LAN sessions, and mutters barely 10 words a day. If he does talk, the keywords in the conversation would more oft contain 'LAN', 'frags' and 'DOTA'.

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: Dearie, shall we catch a movie later?
He: (nods head) (but disappears from scene unnoticed) (to be found at nearest LAN shop)Girlfriend: I'm going to frag your mother
He: (stares angrily at girlfriend for 10 seconds) (proceeds to disappear from scene unnoticed) (to be found at nearest LAN shop)

Verdict: Firstly, gamers rarely have the time, interest or social skills to land themselves a girlfriend. If they do, their girlfriends are either she-gamers or she-males (he probably lost the ability to discern). Just like other passions that become ill habits when one becomes demonically obsessed, he probably does not know your purpose in his life right now. You're better off buying a mannequin, naming him Tom and telling your friends about your new squeeze - Tom, from Mauritius, 1.8m tall, sculpted jaw line with super 6-packed abs.

Mr "Knows-too-damn-much-for-his-own-good'
I'm not advocating discrimination against the hyper-intelligents. If you're really THAT smart, your achievements will be outstanding, why bother bragging? Worse still, he's the kind that revels in being condescending to one and all with his razor sharp wit and ruthless sarcasm.

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: I really want to get a marketing position in the cosmetics industry
He: I agree, I think you'll make a great makeup counter girl

Verdict: No one should allow themselves to be surrounded by negativity; it will only stifle individual ambitions. You're too important to let someone else squash your own dreams. Check with the family, we bet you his mum hates him too. A maniac that feeds off other people's insecurity to boost his own ego should be locked away in Wacko Jacko's basement, with handcuffs, chained to the drainpipes - for good.

Mr 'I'm-too-sexy-for-this-shirt'
A common fixture near most public reflective surfaces, the 'Male Model' is easy to distinguish. Usually more well-dressed than you, he checks himself out in reflective surfaces, touches his hair, and talks more crap than you do (even when you're the undisputed reigning Queen Airhead in your social circle).

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: I think we might be late for the movie.
He: Movie? We're watching a movie? I don't want to crease my new Armani shirt
Girlfriend: Do you think I look fat?
He: Yea you do. Don't walk too near me, I don't want my casting agents to spot me hanging out with 'Miss Gargantuan Cow' in public.

Verdict: If you want a gay best friend, you'd be hanging out at Tanjong Pagar, not dating a wannabe drag queen or pea-brained pretty face. There can only be one vain-pot in a relationship, and society has rendered it perfectly fine for females to claim that right. What's actually more important is that he respects you and does not put you down.

The Cheap Date (must slap him)
The perennial peeve whom most girls chanced upon at least once in their lifetime. He isn't short on cash, he just doesn't think you're worth spending money on - he even annoys you into paying for everything, and you do it just so he could shut up.

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: Do you think I should order the baked salmon?
He: sure, as long as you pay for it yourself
Girlfriend: So where are we heading to on our anniversary?
He: The nearby Kopitiam serves good enough meepok to satisfy the both of us. I didn't bring my wallet, I hope you did.

Verdict:If you have no qualms about putting up with this kind of behaviour, let me suggest a splendid alternative: gigolos. They're not as blatant about money, and at least, they treat you with respect and will do as you please.

Miss Money-NOT-Penny
To her, it's all about dollars. She's a Material Girl living in a material world. She incurs extremely high maintenance costs, expecting a man to finance her entire life, from shopping at Gucci to drinks at One Rochester.

Miss Moonlight-Walks-On-The-Beach
She lives in a fantasy world of romantic movies and romance novels. She is waiting for her Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet and nothing will do except for the perfect fairy tale ending. She has absolutely no idea that real life consists of paying bills and cleaning toilets.

Miss Too-High-Expectations
She thinks that she is worth more than everything you can give her. Unless you're Brad Pitt, Bill Gates, Einstein and Frank Sinatra all rolled into one perfect package, you won't have enough good looks, money, intelligence, social skills, or [insert trait here] to date her.

Miss Center-of-The-Universe
Everything revolves around her. Brought up as a princess, she only cares about herself and nothing else. She has to win at all costs. If your car is new, hers is a little newer, if your grades are good, hers are a little better, if a guy in class steals a glance at her, she thinks he wants to sleep with her.

Miss Boyfriend-Addict
Within a day after a break up she's on the prowl. She has never been single for more than a week and within 10 minutes after your first date, she's already planning your wedding and naming your kids. Maybe all of her friends are attached so her biological clock is ticking. She doesn't care who the guy is, just as long as he is breathing.

Miss Needs-a-lot-of-attention
A close friend of Miss Boyfriend-Addict, this gal becomes an extension of you, and your buddies know to get you out on an outing, they've got to get her first. You will never need to call her because she's calls you 10 times a day "just to hear your voice." She's clingy, needy and so compulsively agonising that you are serously considering to leave her for "someone better."

bloated

2009-05-31T01:05:00.004+08:00

so bloody full after today's jap buffet...but i really really really love the salmon sashimi! the unagi's a must-try too. They both melted in my mouth and melted my heart. OH mans...

It's this jap restaurant at The Central, i think it's 4th floor, 1 floor above Waraku. Definitely a must try cos of the sashimi, unagi and friendly staff members =)

weird dream

2009-05-30T13:07:00.002+08:00

It just felt weird.

for one of my besties

2009-05-27T00:13:00.003+08:00

Her name's Yi Jun, 1.75m tall (but not taller than me!). Her other names include gaode / mushroom / yijooooons / sweety palms etc etc....Have been stuck with her for AB213 impromptu group, KL-Penang trip, markethink etc...

Yes, this is a special entry for her only since she complained I havent featured her specially for a blog entry. I should receive some royalties for appearing one too many times in her entries. And also, if there's a chance to intro her to any of my friends who visit my blog, I may gain some karma (and commissions! woohoo!)

So ms chng, this friend of urs gao gao already rite? hahaha

the day i became chao ta

2009-05-24T23:18:00.006+08:00

"Controlling your breath to control your buoyancy"
That was what I learned from my scuba-diving, that was almost a year ago.

Today I just baked myself in the sun, having lots of fun and action at sentosa. Most importantly, it was the great company of friends that went together. It felt just so right somehow.

Went into the sea to cool down and I couldn't resist taking a short (and yes, damn slow) swim to the islet. And by just floating in the water, it totally reminded me of my scuba experience. I couldn't stop sharing with Bel about the scuba techniques and that is something I'll need to revise soon should I join Sept's dive trip.

I really miss going into the water with the scuba gear to explore the underwater world. It's a feast for the eyes and for the soul. Underwater, you are like one with nature. Nothing else matters in this world throughout the time you are down there. Even if it's just for a short while, it's definitely worth it.

And sometimes, controlling breath underwater is the same as controlling your feelings, emotions and actions towards the girl. Too little control you'll probably float all the way up to the surface and out of the game with her. Too much, you'll probably end up on the seabed and suffer all the unnecessary pressure, bleed and be in pain forever.

If it's just nice, I'm sure the experience will truly be...exceptional.

when life can be so simple

2009-05-23T22:24:00.003+08:00

For the short 2 hours, we didn't quite go back Bukit Timah as planned. All thanks to our philosophy of "why take an easy route when there's a harder one?" & "why take a familiar route when there's an unknown one?"

Singapore, being Singapore, it will be a big joke if we ever got lost.

For that 2 hours, rules were simple. Paddle, Balance, Sweat. It was enjoyable biking through the mountain bike trails. Every gravel, soil, puddle of water that my tyres went past made me realise that I am still alive...and nothing's gonna stop me from enjoying the company of my buddies with our mountain bikes.

Things can be so simple but why does circumstance got to complicate things? Or is it just me thinking too complicated? Maybe cheryl and yj are right...shouldnt think anything about it for now.

Note to self: Don't run when I've not fully recovered & panadols don't really work.

Now I've got a bloody headache and it's really irritating. Popped 2 panadols but I've yet to see the effects. Chop my head off already, somebody! anybody!

2009-05-23T02:14:00.003+08:00

I have a soft spot towards Pin Guan's songs, for both leisure listening as well as during K-box sessions. One particular song has been a must-sing song for me in recent times but I've decided that it's due time for me to draw the curtains and declare that I have decided to retire that song.

Just how many times do I hear myself saying "I thought...I thought". Some things are just so cruel and painful if I make assumptions, that things won't change and that everyone will remain the way they are, regardless. How wrong can that be. It requires 2 hands to clap and definitely, efforts by all parties to maintain the strength of ties between them.

Woken up, moved on. No more singing of that song...

For now, enjoy this MV by Pin Guan. I really think his natural singing talent is really pleasing to hear.

Ms Right for Me

2009-05-21T23:00:00.002+08:00

爱要耐心等待

仔细寻找

感觉很重要

宁可空白了手

等候一次

真心的拥抱

我相信在这个世界上

一定会遇到

对的人出现在眼角

Die...eyes so small. how to see?! -_-"

cold sweat

2009-05-20T00:18:00.003+08:00

It's not that I want to bang seh outings but in my condition, it's better I stay indoors else I might spread the flu around. I've missed 2 dinner arrangements consecutively. Today being worse compared to yesterday as I was practically drowsy the whole day. Went to see doc in school (yes, cos it's cheaper, $7.50 only, and I think I'll be able to claim it under my terms of employment for PA).

Slept for god knows how many hours only to wake up for meals, msn etc. And here I am typing this entry at 12.22am cos I just woke up, breaking out a bloody cold sweat. Seems like I'm sweating my flu out, which is definitely good.

Yes, I want to recover fast please! I don't want to miss too many outings too you know.

sick

2009-05-18T22:03:00.003+08:00

Mucus, sneezing, more mucus, more sneezing.

Sniffing every now and then to keep the mucus up the nose.

I hate this feeling. So drowsy that I can't even go out nor can't do my work properly. And the worse thing is I'm so far away from my target of 300.

FML.

uh oh

2009-05-17T19:32:00.003+08:00

Ringing ears.
Pounding head.
Aching muscles and joints.
Itchy throat.

These aren't good signs at all, especially since they havent' gone away since yesterday.

thank god it's friday

2009-05-15T22:46:00.003+08:00

So this could be a glimpse of how's working life gonna be like. All the talks about work-life balance will probably be thrash talk. Work takes precedence, especially so during the first few years into the workforce when I'll be trying to establish and carve a name for myself in the industry.

It's crazy when you have unfinished work left behind and for the first time in 2 weeks, I decided to clear my questionnaire development before I knock off. Work effeciency will be something I'll need to work on cos I actually left at 6.30pm, it's voluntary OT without the OT pay. And the thing is once I come home, I get so tired that I can hardly do anything else. Even simple things like facebook & chatting with friends, I'm sometimes struggling to fight the Z monster while facing the computer screen. And this kind of things are already happening at work.

I'll need something to recharge myself. Seriously.

brink of burn out?

2009-05-14T23:44:00.002+08:00

Yes I do love my internship job. Yes I do enjoy the company of my colleagues and most certainly, I'm enjoying while I'm learning.

Sometimes it can be super tired to be high all the time. I suspect a minor burnout is fast approaching. Thankfully, the weekend's around the corner an tomorrow it's TGIF. I seriously need a break to recharge myself knowing the upcoming tasks is gonna get tough and my weekend's practically burnt with club meetings and volunteer work in school as student ambassador.

I hate to zone out at my workspace but I just can't help it. Maybe i need to run more to keep my mind alive! I'm getting tired and this is so not good...

Anw, sorry guys, looks like this weekend is a no-go for our mountain biking. Maybe next week we shall resume to conquer bt batok nature park...

What a day

2009-05-12T19:39:00.002+08:00

It's been a week since I've started on my PA. I'm not joking that I'm looking forward in going to office everyday because there's simply so much things to learn! The good thing is that I have 2.5 days of leave (yes my friends..take that! haha) but I don't intend to take it. I'm more or less confirmed that I'll be cancelling my long anticipated HK trip because it seems that I may get a big role in helping a product launch in end July! Crazy yes but there aren't too many chances like this to be missed!

Presented with the GM sitting in today. My 1st presentation as intern. Damn, I know it wasn't anywhere near my usual standard. They said it was a good job but I thought otherwise. And no, I've got no one to prove to nor defend myself against claims whether my 214 was deservingly B or not cos I have already decided to let my presentations for other modules do the talking. I've got another 2-3 presentations left before the end of my stint and I'm not taking any more chances for now on.

**Just as I was typing this entry, my mio disconnected and they told me there's a chance that my modem's crashed. WTH...and they want me to pay $300+ This is robbery lah...Mio savings? More like dis-savings!**

2009-05-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

09 May 09
I like how the numbers and date looks like on my screen.
Happy birthday to me and thanks everyone for the birthday wish. Really enjoyed the company of my friends too. All of you have made me feel so damn special, even after 23 years.

My birthday wish this year goes out to every one of my friends. Hope they can be truly happy and attain real happiness and blessings in their lives =)

sian

2009-05-08T19:19:00.003+08:00

so, my birthday this year coincides with a big-shot name...regardless, i'll just take it all people are celebrating for me too. haha

1st day of PA

2009-05-04T22:40:00.003+08:00

It wasn't too bad considering it's the first day of PA. In fact, it was great! The people I'm working with are fun, lively and funny. Maybe it's due to their age, considering that they're on the average around 27-28 years old. Maybe it's the NBS connection since a few of them were from NBS Marketing too. More certainly, I guess the presence of fellow interns, 1 guy from SMU who's a jolly good fella and also Cheryl, makes life more there more bearable. Afterall, they are suffering the same thing as I am too!

Recap of what happened today:
1) Orientation: Some colleagues were late but they're flexible with time. As long as you don't overdo and deliver results, can close one eye. *note to self: hohoho!* And also, little did I expect 3M's office to be so big. From the outside it looks small. I did a quick count and realised there's 200 or more headcount in the office!
2) Product trainings: Completed trainings for Scotch Brite & Nexcare, and Command's training will resume tomorrow. Didn't know they carry so many products under each brand.
3) Briefing of work schedule: It's pretty challenging cos I get to work with all 3 brands! Website conceptualisations, meeting with media agencies, formulating questionnaires, conducting and analysing surveys. Damn, need to dig out that SPSS book and relearn SPSS. zzz
4) Quarterly communications meeting. 1st day at work and we interns had to join the rest of the company in sitting down in the auditorium for 2 hours to listen to their quarterly meeting. Pretty agonising cos I've not really sat 2 hours straight without talking or my lappie to keep me occupied. Still, they treat interns like part of them and it certainly helps to listen from the MD's address to understand the market situation and what 3M's facing, as well as what are they strategies and outlook for the future.
5) After work bball: Played bball though I seriously suck at it. Still, it was nice to sweat it out and I'm contemplating playing soccer during the soccer days and hitting the gym if it's open to me.

Tomorrow will be a better day! haha =)

losing sleep

2009-05-04T06:39:00.002+08:00

Was laying on my bed since 1am. Didnt fall asleep until much much much later. Woke up in the middle like 5.20am when the 1st train roared past.

Can't believe I'm getting excited. Work's starting in 95min' time...wish me luck!

sticking by my words

2009-05-02T12:38:00.002+08:00

Saw her sms, didn't reply. Heard my phone rang, I chose to ignore it. I am going to stick by my words and hang out less with her. I don't want to be a functional friend, someone to be there ONLY when she needs it.

It sucks but we'll all get over it.

Choices

2009-05-02T02:03:00.003+08:00

Guy re-meets girl, guy hangs out with girl, guy likes girl, guy pops the question to girl asking if there was ever a possibility one day, girl never answers leaving him hanging...

It's always better to be in a position to choose than be chosen - something that I learned over the years. Yet, to what extent does that statement hold true?

To like someone and be willing to do things for him or her, that's voluntary and whether it works out or not, that's another issue altogether. If there was ever a line between leading someone on by dropping the wrong hints, if you're never liking the guy, please, let him know. It's not fair to him waiting for so long when there're no answers whatsoever.

You said that I was your best friend. BFF. Listening you pour out your heart and talking to you and stuff...I guess, that ought to be the limit of what a best friend should do. When I asked that question, I did expect some answers. Yet, keeping me guessing for so long is really frustrating on my side. I'm not some fortune teller...I can't read your mind. Period.

Throughout these days, all I can infer is that you are looking for companionship. Not relationship. Then again, why are you keep telling me this and that about being single and stuff.

Why should I be angry about this? Afterall, I ought to be treating you like a friend. I was direct about the previous incident. That's the outcome you ought to have expected when you lead that guy on and giving him the wrong kind of impression. Raising someone's hopes real high and pushing it down to a free-fall next, is simply cruel.

Keeping another person in the guessing game is a slow and torturous kill. I just hope you aren't secretly enjoying it. It's sick.

There will always be suckers out there who are willing to go the extra lengths for you. If you enjoy the position of choosing and the process of being chased, I wish you luck. After so long, I'm really getting sick and tired on my part. You need to know that you cannot have the best of all worlds. You have to learn to make a choice some point in time. I've made my choice too. That's all it's going to be and I am not going to look back. I'm not guilty of anything since there wasn't any real progress or commitments to begin with.

For the very least, let's maintain and make this friendship worthy and pure shall we?

Freedom

2009-04-28T17:06:00.002+08:00

I can finally heave a big sigh of relief after all my papers. Well, as expected, Accounting is the major headache and I don't really know the chances of the other modules saving it this time. Well, gotta have faith.

By Friday last week after the end of bm214 - the 2nd final paper, I was perpectually in a bloody holiday mood. Went out drinking with beh, xh, yj, tx at acid bar and that place really rocks. It certainly helps to boost the atmosphere when the crowd are spontaneous and they'll sing along to the tunes, in addition to the already great live singer on stage.

The end of 215 yesterday marked the end of 2nd semester. Countdown to graduation in like...365 days? Scary! Went out with Jeremy, Ricky, Belinda, Jieying and YJ after paper for zichar, settlers and K-Overnight @ Cine where all of us really KO by dawn. I totally love their energy and impromptuness - something that I really missed after year 2 sem 1's ab213.

It seems that these few weeks of crazy events that's probably sparked off by the adrenalish rush from the exam stress. I know I've grown to become a more rational person than before. Yet some things are meant to be irrational. With my head clear once again, my mind is telling take things how it used to be once again. Just got to think simple, expect nothing out of it. If there's anything, let that be a bonus. In the end, there's always going to be a good friendship blossoming from it undoubtedly.

By this time next week, I'd have started on my attachment with 3M that will last till mid July. It will be interesting to learn from the product managers who were previously marketing grads from ntu. There'll also be the long-awaited hong kong trip in the last week of july. I've really got to learn to save more and earn some quick buck to sponsor my own overseas trip. At the rate I'm going, there's a danger I might make it for September's advance dive course I've planned.

As of now, got to make better use of the remaining free time I've got to meet up with friends, going out before real work kicks in. Most definitely, it's time for the soccer guys to meet up cos I'm itching for soccer action. In the meantime, running or badminton anyone?

is it worth it?

2009-04-14T20:30:00.001+08:00

for the joker in me

2009-04-11T23:22:00.000+08:00

5am and still in school

2009-04-10T04:51:00.002+08:00

It's nearly 5am and yes, I'm still in the reading room. I supposed since I've already made my way to school at 11, I might as well stay longer to make the trip more worthwhile. Usual 'driver' costing -> litre / km travelled. For me, it's more like No.of chapters + tutorials / litre of petrol. Don't get it? Cos you ain't study cost accounting yet! haha..

It's pretty nice and quiet to study at s4 reading room after 12mn. But it's freaking cold up here as it's perhaps the only place with the aircon still on. I was having a live suana session whilst mugging at s3.1-b1-esr1 just now and it's totally the opposite in the reading room.

I mustn't think too much of what's been said and done last week. Awkward it may be, I don't think I've got the time and energy to think of these stuff..

Schoolwise, I gotta be thankful that the week has passed pretty smoothly and I really am grateful to my bunch of friends who've helped in my projects in a way or another. Just gotta work harder to prevent any slip ups towards the last stretch of this semester.

Hang in there everyone...The end for all these misery is in sight!

Poppd the qn

2009-04-06T00:37:00.003+08:00

For some reason or another, I've been make really drastic (and usually crazy) decisions during exam periods. And yes, I popped the damned question. No hints or any buffer. I just decided ask directly if there was any possibility. I told her not to freak out before I had decided to ask...yet, she was still a little taken aback by the sudden-ness. Shan't go into much details over here.

There're a few friends out there who says she's not worth it. I understand where they come from and I do not blame them. Real friends speak out what they really feel. I'd face the truth ANY time than to live in a lie from a friend.

2 presentations and 1 jap oral & listening this week. Oh man, my ass is going to get kicked big time and also, I feel some footprints over me already before the real papers have even started.

Update

2009-03-29T22:17:00.005+08:00

Spent my weekend in Muar for Qing Ming. I totally love it back there. Living in a countryside kind of environment with lots of really awesome food like hao jian where the oyster are so big, it makes singapore's oyster seem under-nourished! And of cos, I'd pay my faithful pilgrimage to the kopitiam selling duck rice.

It's going to be a rough time ahead for the next 1 month as my projects and exam preparations are going on oversteam. So in the meantime, enjoy some pictures I took for events that happened in the past weeks. Some of them never fail to make me laugh..heh...

reeeejected

2009-03-20T19:23:00.003+08:00

Today I received news that I got rejected for J&J, so no more working at Jurong East afterall. Life's never smooth sailing and this is 1 hell of a shit news for sure...

Worse thing is they left me hanging and didn't even bother to call me. I found out through an e-mail with the my school's career svcs dy director. Full marks for them for ruining my otherwise good week. I just gotta find another good company that appreciates me then. *sigh* Life's just full of bloody rejections...urgh~

This does feel like Friday the 13th that came a week late. Damn...

another low moment

2009-03-19T19:31:00.003+08:00

This is another example of life's fragility. No laughters, no smiles. I don't know what i can do to help but at least show some support in my own way...

Stay strong bro, do ur dad proud.

stuck in the west

2009-03-12T16:45:00.002+08:00

There's a chance I might be working in Jurong East for my Professional Attachment... not that I'm complaining of course!

If it really happens, that's 3 consecutive years of working in Jurong East since 2007! Just hope for the best and see what opportunity comes knocking then.

screw me

2009-03-07T19:25:00.003+08:00

I'm starting to become into the type of person I used to hate a lot.

Gotta wake up my idea and I'm really sorry. There'll be no need for apologising ever again...