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Thursday, January 04, 2007
my life, my own. (revised)/ 9:01 PM Spring cleaning came early for me this year. I managed to overcome my lazy bones and completed most of the cleaning, even though it took me almost 3 weeks to accomplish to entire deal. I have only myself to blame since I didn't bother to clean my room last year cos I spent half my time in camp and when I was home, I decided my precious book out time should be put to better use like hanging out with friends, learning driving, or simply recharge by sleeping before my next mount. I took some time to appreciate what I've done and immediately, this sense of achievement overwhelmed me. There's no more dust on the surfaces, things are all in order. Sweet~ Next, I was partly motivated by jianhong who did his own spring cleaning and decide to revamp his room. It's been years since my room had any major changes or additions. I took over the room from my bro and things were almost the same as they were when he left to start his own family. Not that I'm THAT lazy to make some changes. There are also traces of my work in the room..wrong, in fact, in all parts of the house. The loooooong pencil line which I drew on the wall along the corridor - that made my mum so mad that i was caned for godnoeshowlong and the rest was history. I guess it's inevitable that we'll leave a trace or two in the place we stay. This brings back memories in years to come and also evokes the sense of familiarity and belonging. Even when I was in school (e.g. SA), the tables and walls were "decorated" and that's where I left my mark. Maybe my junior or teacher might see it (and don't sue me for vandalism) and wonder who this senior is. Now that ORD is just 5 weeks away, I'm desperate to resume life as a civilian. I've began to reject military stuff in my daily routines such as not mentioning army terms when I'm out with my friends. Since enlistment, it was natural for us to converse in military language though subconciously. Things like "eh, report time is 1730hrs at station control", "walk so more, walk some more ->sarcarstic manner" & abbrevations like "PT, POP, COC, SOL, AWOL, DB & the most important ORD" were common, sometimes decorated by colourful terms with regards to people's family or body parts in different dialects. If u ask me, that's what I call multiracialism! Lolx As for now, I might want to start looking for stuff to revamp my room. Maybe I'll get a poster and a big jigsaw to bring some life to my otherwise dull room walls. I want a personal touch to my room cos that's the place that I recognise as "my personal space". I want to smile and enjoy what I'm seeing in my room when I walk in, recognise that these are products of my own effort and 'creativity' - or the lack of them. My hair is at its longest length since enlistment. Thick, long and messy. RSM won't be too happy to see me when I report next week for alert charlie. However, I'm quite sure he won't lose his cool cos he'll throw an extra or two (ok, this sounds lame but...it rhymes!). Other than the extras, I have the urge to get my hair cut cos it's getting more messy and the fringe is irritating my eye balls -_-". Maybe with the heat that's trapped in my hair, I'm getting more n more short-fused recently. Heeding my dad's words, it's not good to talk too much and reveal too much emotions. It's signs of weakness that can be exploited. This explains why I choose to keep quiet and cool down whenever I feel my anger erupting. On other occassions, when I really have to vent it out, I'd go play ball or go for a long run. I was telling becca yesterday that I almost blew my top at my ah gong the other day. While I was in camp, he took the opportunity and 'initiative' to knock a nail on my wall and put a wall calendar in my room. When I came back, I could really feel my blood boil and all I did was to smile and juz gave a rather blunt and direct remark that he should just leave MY stuff and MY room alone! It ain't his 1st time trying to take initiative for the wrong reasons and wrong time. But the times in NS taught me to just suck thumb & live with it. 1st, why wud I need a wall-mounted calendar when I've got a desk calendar and a freakin computer to check the dates. Next, who the hell mounts a freaking obvious nail and calendar in the middle of a plain wall? The previous time was the week before A levels. My room was in a freaking mess, almost like a typhoon swept through. My notes were strewn on the floor but I know the location I left my things. When I came home from the study room @ yuhua cc, I almost fainted. My room was damn clean and tidy. All my notes were stacked up neatly, meaning all my notes and work needs to be resorted out again. Wasted almost 4 hours unpacking the 'good work' my ah gong has done. Freak man. I guess the good-me wants to give way to the evil-me once in a while. Like what james said, if being a good friend means being the bad guy cos of the 'front-stabbing' and being blunt n truthful, I don't mind being the devil. Kindness not appreciated? Perhaps. If that single deed doesn't screw up my life and make me take a step backwards, I'd really appreciate it. Think I'm longing for my own personal space, a place where others won't come disturb the type of life I want to lead. Think I need a break before I start banging my head on the wall from my self-inflicted frustration. Being the bad guy is so much easier. Don't mistake me for being unfilial cos I'm not. I'm just frustrated. To add on: What James said is so true. This highlights the importance of communication. Don't assume you know what's best for me. It's my life, I live the way I want it. |
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