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Monday, January 23, 2006
Monday, 23rd January 2006/ 9:35 PM It isn't in my nature to speak much (or rather, write much in this instance). I tend to keep to myself whenever possible, a rather 'anti-social' behaviour I've apparently inherited from my dad. Pretty much things have happened recently. As I'm typing this entry, the no-notice security audit has yet to commence, which means our misery of anticipating the dreaded event will continue. Shift 2 being the suay-est shift is the safest bet of the day cos we are like genna the most shit work at the end of the day. Mounting on more important dates, getting less offs, having to face the notice and now, the no-notice audits. Perhaps at the end of the day, we'll be respected and impress others, if we manage to pass the audits as that day onwards, the welfare will come back. If we fail, we'll probably be cursed for generations to come...or maybe, for the next 1 year till the next audit arrives. My mounting schedule has improved in these few mountings. I've managed to survive those mountings with 4-4 duties and sometimes without X-ray slots. I may be deemed as 'garang' but hey, I yearn for a moment to slack also! With the ojt people injected into our shift and ict helping out in base, the burden are lessened but I fear only temporarily. Things will more or less go back to before after the ict go back and with some of the lao jiaos like yingwei, haojie and hongjia clearing their leave before they ord. It wasn't that long ago when I had my OJT. It sux to be the lowest life form in the 'hierachy' system and the fear of being bullied by the lao jiaos made my life during the first few mounts quite miserable. The lao jiaos were pretty good to us, perhaps cos they were from changi fds themselves, hence, they could bond and identify themselves with us. Or rather, they were going to ORD soon and thus, all of them were in ORD mood. My guess would be the latter. All along, I thought I really wanted to be part of the Guard of Honour (GOH). Imagine marching during the SAF day, RSAF day, and I guess the most significant of all, on 9th Aug 2006, infront of 50,000 spectators and infront of probably millions of eyes 'live' on national tv. I ought to be proud that I was representing as the 'best' from the RSAF...my face should beam with pride once the mention of GOH... In fact, that's not what I feel. My inital enthusiasm has faded with time. Now, I can't wait to get out of GOH. I've struggled to convince myself that life would get better once I'm pulled out of duty and pushed into the life of a GOH. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that I'd get worse off than mounting regular duties. RSM speaks of all the privilleges GOH will benefit yet I'm not even a little tempted by it. When I spoke to him recently, he said I had the worst attitude, which was soooo untrue. Nevertheless, I shan't argue more with him cos I find that arguing leads to nothing. I just hope he'll consider my current condition and in an uglier term, kick me out. I live in Jurong East, the west of Singapore. The camp's in changi, which is in the east. Taking public transport will take me around 2 hours to get to and from camp. GOH is mostly 8-5pm, which is good cos there's no need to mount duties and we get to go home. Hey...if I were to go home daily, it's pure madness and my pocket will burn a damn big hole. I'll really consider joining if RSAF decides to compensate me the costs on transport esp those cab fares when I'm needed urgently. Hey, my NSF allowance ain't high. Moreover, I should learn to save up now especially considering my dad's business aint that good currently. RSM even told me that I should then stay in camp since I stay far and want to save money. That's not that point! Then why the hell should I join GOH? I can just mount duty and go back home less often and of cos, get out of the damn, dreaded, dilapidated base. My dad comes home once a mth, bro has his own family, which means I have to be around to take care of things since they're not around. They say NS is about sacrifices and we are being selfish cos we put our personal stuff over national stuff. Look, I'm being practical here. It's not a matter of being selfish or what. If there's a war, I'd defend and fight, no doubts about that. My priorities are rather simple and practical here. Yet RSM threatened that if he's not happy with me, he'll make me reserve and I have to attend all trainings and not participate in the actual event, hence not getting the recognition. This only motivates me to get out of the damned GOH shit I've fallen into... I can only pray that something good will happen and my desire of quitting can be fulfilled. I've thrown away my pride and chose to 'slack' but it's the conditions that didn't allow me to assume the role of a GOH. One good thing happened though. I saw her online just now. My heart was like beating faster as the thought of her online excites me. I've not met her for ages since the As. Off she went, retaining the identity of a student while I move on to serve the nation. Being a RP meant I didn't have a regular 5day week like others. It's rather rare that I see her online nowadays cos of her uni commitments and my screwed up schedule. Perhaps I should change to nus and this way I can get to meet her more often. Or perhaps, it has been wishful thinking on my part all along....Nevertheless, I still cherish the time when I had the courage to take photograph with her during farewell ceremony. I'm contented with that one time. I really am. No regrets whatsoever. Date check: 23-01-06 (380 days to ORD) |
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